


Cabin Fever

by felineFan, MyFakeNameIsCee



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, cabin fever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-11-26
Packaged: 2018-02-19 22:40:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2405528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineFan/pseuds/felineFan, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyFakeNameIsCee/pseuds/MyFakeNameIsCee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat takes a job as a counselor at a summer camp and has to multitask between watching the kids and dealing with one of the most infuriating co-workers you've ever had, John Egbert.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Texas heat is hell

Fucking hell, it's hot as balls out here. Why the hell did you agree to be here watching after idiot grub monsters in a backwater camp in the middle of the Summer anyway? In Texas, none the less. Good god you might as well be stuck at the center of the earth.

Taking this job at camp who-the-fuck-cares what it's called during the most miserable time of the year is not how you thought you'd be spending your time. Admittedly it was Gamzee's idea, he signed up because Tavros did, and Tavros did because he genuinely like kids. And unfortunately you couldn't turn Gamzee down when he asked you to come along, he's your best friend, it's not like you could say no. So now you've been dragged here against your will and have to stay here for three months.

Your name is Karkat Vantas and this is the third time this week you've had to clean butter off the goddamn windows of the cabin. The adjacent cabin and their good-for-nothing counselor have declared an all-out prank war on your own, though since you will not stoop to their level, it's been mostly one-sided.

They aren't even amusing pranks, they're just stupid as hell. You could do way better.

But you won't, because you don't act like a goddamn wriggler who hatched yesterday, unlike some immature piles of old unwashed socks that work here.

His name is John Egbert and God you fucking hate this guy.

Usually it's something different every day, but it's only the third week and already it seems he's running out of ideas. Out of all the things in the world, why butter?

You're getting sick and tired of this.

You swear if he wasn't a shit-licking human, or at least if he had the mental capacity to hate anyone, you'd think this was just a terribly awkward attempt at black solicitation.

Wiping off the last trace of a crap prank attempt you hear the kids inside beginning to wake up now and a billion screeching alarms go off at once. You snatch a daily activities paper from the fellow counselor with thick ass frames in charge of scheduling as he walks by. This asshole would look exactly like John if he were more of a dumbass, also his eyes are the wrong color, not that you know the color of John's eyes.

Your ocular units scan the page quickly to make sure of the order you'd previously memorized at the counselor's meeting earlier in the week. But to your bad luck, the order's been changed.

You call out and ask why he changed it, “Hey English what the hell is this? Were you too distracted by your boy-toy again last night to come up with a comprehensible list or did Strider just assure you it was perfect in order to lure you to bed?”

He blushes and rushes off, slamming the sheets on each door and attaching them shittily with crappy camp tape. You groan and consult the new list again. 

1.Breakfast first, as usual.

You swear John is watching your movements carefully because when breakfast comes along he switches your milk with gravy and your syrup with apple juice(now there's a huge mess asshole and I have to clean it up) in line when you aren't looking. Lastly, he pulls the stunt with a loosened chair leg so you drop all your food on your face and lay there defeated on the floor because fucking hell you KNOW you're the only one he's doing this to.

Mental note: never listen to Gamzee again

You lead your group of small ankle-biters outside . You pull out an already very wrinkled piece of paper from dark gray shorts to check what's next. 

Oh Fuck no. 

2\. Field Activities.  
...  
Soccer: Group A & Group B  
...

Group A is your group. Group B is Egbert's group.

You shove it back into your shorts and ignore the repetitive bombardment of “where are we going”, “what are we doing”, and “when will it end” from your entire miniature pattycake posse. John runs up behind you and your two groups mesh together.

“Hi Karkat!” John expresses enthusiastically, as he slaps you on the back, startling you slightly.

You let out an irritated sigh “What the hell do you want?”

A child gasps behind you, “Mr.Vantas said a naughty woooord.”

John makes that face that you just KNOW means he's about to say something incredibly fucking stupid.

“Yeah Mr.Vantas, you can't do that, you'll damage their fragile, innocent minds!” the fucknugget's hands go to his cheeks like he can't believe you just did that. 

“I'll damage your fragile mind, oh wait, seems like that's already been done for me.”

He fakes a pouted look and does a dramatic backwards bend, one hand over his forehead and the other waving in the air pointlessly, “Oh Karkat you slay me, how could you be so hurtful? And around the children!”

“Maybe you forget that you buttered our cabin and proclaimed an all out war on us that I have to clean up. Every. Day. Don't expect me treat you delicately.” you deadpan.

“Well that's not very nice.”

“I'm not very nice.” you say finally. The two of you don't speak again until you get there, but he picks up a bunch of the campers and one by one let's them ride on his shoulders all the way to the West sports field. 

When the field comes into view you have everyone (including Egbert) sit down and behave themselves on the bleachers while you retrieve the equipment from the shed. In the two minutes it took you to get there and back he's already convinced the entirety of both teams to yell “Karkat smells” upon your arrival. You roll your eyes and adjust the sleeves of the hoodie you refuse to take off. You don't care how hot it is outside you aren't weak.(You're keeping the jacket on geez what are you Rose, my lusus?) 

John laughs at you, “Dude it's like five squillion degrees out here why are you still wearing that ugly grey thing?”

“Because it's none of your business what I wear is why. Now shut up and help me set up, you ignoramus.” you grumble.

He chuckles and rolls a ball out of the bag using his foot, he then backs up and fucking SPRINTS toward you and the ball, badly missing his foot flies up into the air like an ugly child from an old earth cartoon. John manages to kick you in the face and knees himself in the gut the like the absolute fucking walnut he is. You rub your nose to make sure it isn't broken and glare at him judgmentally while he squirms on the ground and laughs.

You will fucking dominate this guy.


	2. Karkat doesn't understand dating

The two of you spend the next ten minutes deciding on which team gets the ball first. Well that’s a bit of a lie. It was more like you yelled at him that competing against a group of children was unfair. He then proceeded to laugh at you and claim you’re just afraid he’s beat you. Yeah, right. You both finally decide that the kids are playing on their own.  
You two stay on the sidelines while John woots enthusiastically, jumping up and down. The benches creak and you glare at him sideways, hoping he’ll notice you staring and calm down because holy fuck John these are not playthings you’re going to break something you dumbass. Egbert continues to ignore you and bounce around like an idiot while he calls out impossible plays that don’t actually make any sense.  
When he team makes a goal he screams out, “Who you gonna call?”  
You stare onward with a disgusted look. Is he really serious?  
To your utter dismay his team actually responds, “Ghostbusters!”  
“I can’t hear you!”  
They scream louder, “Ghostbusters!”  
Good God. He’s poisoning their minds.  
“John what the fuu-” Crap, no, correct yourself, no swearing, “-uuullhouse is with that chant?” You’ve been getting a lot of shit at camp for swearing around the “impressionable children” and John knows it. Just another reason for him to try his damnest to get you in trouble again. The fucker.  
He snaps his head toward you and gives you a look of utter surprise, “Haha nice save Karkat. It’s Ghostbusters! Have you never seen it? Man it’s the best I have to show it to you sometime.”  
“And how are you going to manage that dingus?”  
Said dingus puffs himself full of air until he looks like one of those flamboyant birds in the middle of a mating call, like he’s about to get up and prance around in a dance to get your attention. Attention already caught asshole, what are you doing. Even with a facade of fake confidence his voice shakes when he speaks“I have a copy I can bring to watch during break, you up for it?”  
You think you’ve heard of Ghostbusters, isn’t it really old or something? Why would he suggest that of all movies to you ? Without looking you silently judge the fact that he has the worst taste in movies you’ve ever heard of. You turn to him slowly and run through his request in your mind. It takes a few moments before you give up on trying to dissect it.“Why would I do that?”  
He blinks like he genuinely didn’t expect that answer that answer from you, “Because we’re friends?”  
You groan and slump over, grimacing while you continue to watch the tiny human and troll offspring fight over the soccer ball. Half of them are trying to pick it up and run, which isn’t even legal. “Look Egbert, I don’t know where you got that idea because all that’s happened between us is you stalking me and making messes for me to clean up later. We are not friends.”  
John visibly tenses and you can see his face fall in disappointment, “Oh.” He bites his lower lip in thought and pushes his glasses up his nose. You can barely hear it but a small sigh escapes him and you can see his chest deflate. You’re both quiet for a while. When it’s time to go to the next activity you and John gather all the equipment from your two teams and put them away in silence, splitting off and taking your separate ways for the rest of the day.  
~~~~~~~  
You feel kind of awkward about John now, you are distracted the entirety of the time at the next destination. Your group is canoeing, and you sit silently in your boat, not even bothering to paddle. Much to your tiny partners displeasure you end up getting your floating vessel stuck in a lakeside bush for a few moments before you snap out of your daze. You push off the side with your paddle and drift some more while you wade through your own thoughts. John was only trying to be friendly. He offered to watch a movie and he seems to not mind your all-around shitty personality enough to tolerate talking to you for more than two minutes at a time. Hell, if you get past the shitty pranks, the horrible taste in movies and terrible jokes you guess you can actually tolerate the guy back. Did you make a mistake?  
“Maybe.” you mumble. You hope nobody hears you admit it.  
After canoeing is lunch, then indoor games while the adults take their break, then cabin time. After that the list Jake gave you says the entire camp gets together for stories and mingling between the campers before dinner, then you have to set the butt-munches off to bed and leave for your groups respective cabins . Different groups eat and take indoor break at different times, and you aren’t grouped with John’s group again today.

In fact, you don’t see John until dinner. The entire time you’re in the mess hall you can’t even so much as look at him without feeling guilty and conflicted. Behind him at the juice machine you try to speak but you can’t manage to squeak any words out. It’s like a python has a vice grip on your throat and won’t let go until he’s a safe distance away. Man, you really messed up. John can’t seem to look at you either. Even the miniature human monkey-babies are noticing something’s off, throughout the course of the day you’ve been poked, prodded and questioned enough to write a BOOK full of them. Every one of them in asking why you’re being so silent.  
Tonight is going to be really stressful on you. You set the kids to bed, wait an hour to assure they stay there and nervously leave, heading over to John’s cabin. Maybe you can still fix this, maybe he’ll still be your friend after this.  
Maybe you’ll watch that movie after all.


	3. Gazee is surprisingly not terrible at his job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat goes to Gamzee for life advice.

It's already dark out by the time you find John. He wasn't in his cabin or anywhere around it so you end up wandering blindly without a flashlight until you manage to spot him. You almost don't at first, because he's lying down on his back under the stands and the bleachers nearly cover his entire body from view. You hide behind the equipment shack and watch him tentatively. You see John shift and hold something up. Something small and rectangular. You suck in a small breath at the almost instant realization; it must be that movie John wanted to see with you.

He wanted to show _you_.

Not the movie over-enthusiast Jake, not that kiss-ass fucker in shades he calls a best friend.

You.

He asked you in all your crabby, unpleasant, angry, and ugly glory. You hear John let out a deep sigh of resentment. His face isn't clear in the dark but his body language isn't hard to read. He's really disappointed.

You turned him down.

And now it's your fault he's all quiet and sad and mopey.  


You don't like seeing him this way; it's strange and unpleasant and it churns certain feelings around in your chest and lower gut; feelings you didn't even realize you had for this pathetic brain-dead excuse of a human; feelings you'll have to assess properly later. You keep staring at him like the enormous creep you are. Eyes as pretty as his shouldn't cry. Because of course you know the color of John's eyes.  
  
“I'm a fucking idiot.” you whisper to yourself.  


You can't face him.  
You turn and slam a foot into the hard ground, almost tripping as you attempt to run off. When you begin to run off John calls out your name questioningly. You then hear a loud bang reverberate through the night air as a groan breaks out from his hiding spot. John managed to ram his head into the underside of the bleachers. You don't turn around. You should be laughing but all you want is to make sure his stupid face is alright.  


But you don't; you can't  
You are a coward, and you turn back and keep running.  


* * *

  
The next day you catch John giving you sideways glances. There was no butter on the windows this morning, no loosened bolts on your chair to make you fall on your ass , no mix-ups with meal liquids. Nothing. Today there were no pranks to speak of. You've been expecting them all morning and if you're completely honest with yourself, it's somewhat unsettling and you might, just _maybe_ miss the attention John gives to the pranks and by extension, you.  
  
You keep hiding your face out of shame while second by second it starts to feel like the entire camp is watching you, like your life is some tragic sit-com gone horribly wrong. Haha let's all laugh at the asshole in emotional distress because his life just happens to be the smallest bit worse than mine at the moment. If John believes for one minute you don't notice his crew of staff buddies staring you down, he's more of an unfathomably stupid dumb-face than you originally thought. Even Rose has been whispering to him the entire time about something, probably about how fascinating the children's brains are and how getting this job for research was the best idea ever. She's got her own group of kids to take care of, what is she even doing at John's table?  
  
You have to calm down the continuous questions you keep getting about Egbert from the kids since yesterday. At this point you just have them hush for five minutes and they resume chatting to each other and making a huge mess. The only reason they listen to you at all is because an older camper started spreading the rumor that the “love of your life” died. Now it seems your entire cabin has begun to pity-follow your orders, which is horrible, but what works, works you suppose.  
  
You leave breakfast and squint at the new daily schedule you got this morning. You wonder if Jake purposefully paired your group with Gamzee's so you had someone to talk to about what happened with John. Damn, word around here travels fast like fucking privacy was never a thing that existed. No way you're going to thank him for something that was only maybe on purpose, but you do give him a nod as you walk over to Gamzee and join him at the pool.  
  
“Hey Gamzee.” you call over your co-counselor for advice while the kids jump into the water. He floats himself stupidly through the kiddie pool, dragging his feet and using a pink pool noodle to drag himself over to you. You have to push the wet mop that is his hair out of his face so he can see you properly.  
“Gamzee how did you even get this job.” He looks at you and grins all big like he's proud of himself for something you don't know about.  
  
“Tav-bro pulled some strings, and it turns out the little miracle buddies just need a distraction, and that is something I can do for the tiny motherfuckers. It ain't hard bro.” Well who would’ve thought Gamzee of all trolls would be good with kids?  
  
“Shiiii-tzu Gamzee you're going to get in trouble for cursing.” You yourself have already been talked to about that twice this week, not fun, especially when it's Feferi and she's guilt-tripping you over how you're negatively affecting their lives.  
  
He responds with drunk laughter before coming up with a comprehensible answer.  
“Nah man you just gotta relax and everything will chill itself around you, you aren't all up and getting your relax on, what's eating at a brother?”  
  
You grumble and dip the tips of your grey feet into the pool, placing your elbows on your knees to prop your head up limply in your palms. John and Rose were right, it's too damn hot outside to wear your sweater. You shed that leaving a faded red shirt with a small pocket across the chest. The pocket bears your symbol, you look like a goddamn nerd. Holy shit this is pathetic. You fold the “ugly grey thing” as Egbert calls it and place it in the grass behind you, then resume your position to answer Gamzee with an exasperated sigh.  
  
“Well since this entire camp has about the personal combined courtesy and brain power of a block of cheddar, you probably know the story already.”  
  
Gamzee pulls himself out of the water to sit next to you on the elevated ledge, “Well why don't ya lay shit down all careful-like the way you feel comfy about it bro.”  
  
You bite your lip and run one hand through sun-warmed hair, “Well yesterday something happened with Egbert. I guess he was trying to-”  
  
Gamzee smiles big and lazy and squints like he's so proud of himself, “He finally get the courage to ask my best motherfuckin friend out on a date?”  


 _What_.  
  
Wait is Gamzee Makara actually being serious for once in his life? He can't be serious.  
  
You're a flurry of emotions and utter confusion. First instinct is to deny everything, who would ever willingly ask out someone like you? You're an angry pissbaby who can't do anything right. You're an unruly, ugly stick of a troll too, all bones and no meat. Stubby horns don't help and quite frankly your face has features similarly found in day-old roadkill. You aren't the slightest bit endearing and you've never been interesting. God forbid someone find you attractive.  
  
Suddenly things start to snap into place; constant harassment to catch your attention, inviting you to watch a movie(shitty as it may be), the physical contact he'd pass off as playful hits to your back.

  
John likes you. John _like_ likes you. 

  
Last night watching him be so upset stirred feelings in you, and only now are you entertaining the idea of _holy shit I might like like him too._ You've missed him hanging around even though it's only been a day, you miss him talking and watching him play with the children. You miss his smile.  
  
Holy fucking mother of god are you fucking shitting yourself right now you oblivious piece of cabbage.  


You like John Egbert and you basically told him not to speak to you again.  
  
You sit there in utter befuddlement and shock. Your good for nothing clown friend just beams at you as wide as he can and starts making some kind of honking laugh in amusement. Obviously he can tell you're having some sort of epiphany and has kept from saying anything else. You tear yourself up off the ground and nearly fall on your ass rushing to your jacket. Schedule, schedule, schedule where the hell is that piece of shit? Yanking the list out of a pocket you grip it so the paper crinkles and tears around the edges. Two important things force themselves to the forefront of your mind. The first comes in the form of a question: When does John have break?  
  
The second is a faint hope:  
  
You hope John still wants to go out with you.  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took three days and is about 1/3 longer than usual chapters. I'm proud if I do say so myself. As always Quinn(felinefan) edited this for me because rad people are rad.


	4. These are not good chapter titles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat tries to find John because he's a dumb jerk who's ignoring him.

You find out from the other cabins that John tends to favor morning breaks, which means he's

alone _now_ and won't be again until tomorrow. Quickly, you thank Gamzee and tell him to watch over your group for a bit. You're going to lose your job for deserting your responsibilities, but who cares? It's not like working here was your idea anyway.  
  
Rushing to the break room alone puts you out of breath, it's halfway across campgrounds and up a small hill. Bursting through the door, you call out John's name and are met only with surprised looks from fellow counselors.“Karkat?” One of them calls.  
  
Pounding your fist on the wall you hear Tavros's confused voice and meet his gaze. You almost forgot he works here too, up at the horse stables, “Nitram, where's Egbert?”  
  
He jabs a finger toward the backdoor and tilts his head to look behind. “He was all quiet then ran off in a huff the moment I even mentioned you. I mean, I know you, uh, turned him down, but he doesn't have to be a baby about it. So touchy, geez.”  
  
You inwardly face-palm and make a note to murder whoever is going around telling people about your personal life, “Where is he _now,_ asshole?”  
  
Tavros frowns at you and crosses his arms on the tabletop, “He went into the woods or something. Said he needed to be alone. I wouldn't advise trying to follow him Karkat.”  
  
You glare and growl at him defensively. So not in the fucking mood right now. “Spare the pity for someone who cares beast boy, I'm busy.”  
  
“What you are is totally fired, where are your campers?”  
  
You tap your foot impatiently. Seriously, no time for this, “What does it matter to you, they're being watched over, now fucking bye.” You bolt out and into the nearby thicket of trees, walking through the forest and paying no mind to the roots that force you to roll your ankles painfully in your search for a buck-tooth moron. Almost an hour passes and you give up. You make yourself abandon looking for John.  
  
With a slight limp you head back to Gamzee, it turns out you didn't go too far into the forest, because you're out again in three minutes. You stumbled over so many brambles and rocks on your way out that it's actually really painful. You power through the stinging shots of pain that hit your ankle and spot Gamzee with the massive amounts of kids that make up both of your groups. They're all laughing and running around in the archery range. Okay, despite the fact that it's the most dangerous place he could have possibly taken them, he's done a decent job at looking after them.

 

You thank him and promise to get him a pie after work hours(blueberry, his favorite) and gather the children around to resume your day at the activity you're supposed to be at, but not before you properly instruct Gamzee's own team of little rascals how to not die on an archery range. When you leave you see Roxy playing an asinine game of" follow the leader" on her way over here. You guess this is her next activity. She's much more responsible than Gamzee, so you leave with less worry for the physical health of the rugrats.

 

Throughout the day you sneak away while the kids are distracted, landing them on some poor unsuspecting sap who you tell to take over while you continue your search in parts. You could pretend to accidentally bump into John and work your shit out, or you could always talk to him during lunch.

 

The metaphorical ramming into each other's asses on accident never happens.  
  
John isn't at lunch.

 

He's been missing all day and nobody's seen him since Tavros had him storm off earlier. John's apparently been keeping track of his counselor duties though, because his campers are alive, and chattering adamantly about how great he is and how fun their day has been so far. Nobody wants to tell you where he's gone however, as the only ones who know are tiny infuriating gnomes with a pipe of giggle gas rammed halfway up their assets. They won't tell you but they obviously know something, based on the lack of coherent speech replaced with obnoxious laughter.

 

After lunch you still can't manage to find him. Your feet and throat hurt from running all over trying to find his sorry ass like a game of hide and seek, that has long since stopped being amusing to anyone involved.

 

You decide to attempt maybe the most childish thing to get Egberts attention.

 

You plan a prank.

~~~~~~~

 

You opt out of dinner and put the oldest of your group in charge, giving him directions to walk everyone back to the cabin after dinner and get settled to bed. Sneaking into the kitchen you find a bunch of blue plastic cups and gather up several bags of them. Everything seems to be going all well and good until someone taps you on the shoulder and speaks to you, surprised and sounding a bit miffed.

 

"Karkat Vantas what do you think you're doing in my kitchen?" Shit it's Jane Crocker, the baking queen. Abort mission abort abort. Shell fry you to a crisp in about 3 seconds from even setting food in her coveted kitchen.

 

You respond with complete elegance and poise like the immensily sophisticated troll you are, "Uhhhh"

 

She looks at you through thin red glasses and puts on hand on her hip, twirling a spatula over and over between the fingers on her other hand. "Karkat Vantas. What are you doing. In. my. Kitchen?"

 

She can smell lies and fear, the only way to survive the hunt is to tell the truth and hope she loses interest and leaves, "I wanted to prank Egbutt for ignoring me for two days."

 

"Oh is that all?" She says it like you just recited the instruction manual on how to boil water; totally nonchalant and with complete disinterest. Then she gives you this devilish grin that's pretty on par with how pants-shittingly terrifying Feferi's own smile is, "Let me help"

 

You probably look like a cat decided to take a massive dump in front of you, because you turn up your nose and give her a look that's the cross between utter astonishment and disgust.

 

"Oh none of that look now, I'm helping whether you want me to or not buster."

 

You decide a painless surrender is the best option, and who could be better to help than the reigning queen of pranks herself? "Well I was thinking of filling up a bunch of cups with water or something and putting them around John's cabin."

 

Jane beams and pulls you over by your wrist to whisper in your ear, "That's a great plan Karkat, but I can make it even better."  
  
You and Jane spend the entirety of dinner putting your plan in action. Jane warns John's group of your prank on their precious team leader and send them to bed early, giving the two of you enough time to rush over to their cabin and set up. Roughly 400 plastic cups are set in a zig-zag around both the front and back doors of the wood sleeping facility. Inside said cups is the murkiest, dirtiest lake water from the place you went canoeing. Since setting aside the cups one by one would be too easy of a loophole, you and Jane painstakingly strung every cup together at the base, if one falls, they all fall. You rigged each of them with a small weight, if John picks up even one, they'll all spill over and drown him in the filth.

 

It's _perfect._ (better than butter anyway.)

 

Despite this you manage to convince Jane to let you keep a stick of butter to sprawl words over his Windows as revenge. It reads the words: "LIKE THE PRANK? ME TOO. " in all caps on one window, and" FOREST OUTSKIRTS, YOU, ME, NOW. DUMBDUMB." On the other, the second window took longer because you kept miscalculating the size, but it was worth it.

 

Standing back carefully as to not upset the trap, you admire your handiwork. Jane really is a genius and you'll definitely thank her somehow later. Taking a brief look behind you see the rest of the camp splitting ways for bed. You think you're able to see John.

 

Good.

 

Jane gives you a fading "hoo hoo hoo" and a nod for good luck, then just disappears all ghost-like.

 

You grin big for the first time in a while and sneak off quickly so as not to be seen.

 

You have a date with a soon to be seriously pissed off John Egbert.

 


	5. that one half chapter that exists

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John sees the prank Karkat and Jane have so expertly layed out for him.

Minutes in the future, but not many.  
  


  
They say curiosity killed the cat, well unfortunately for you curiosity got you soaking wet, freezing cold, and super impressed. You really should have seen it coming, every single one of those cups dumped lake gunk on you. Every. Single. One. You got it in your hair and mouth, the water soaked into your clothes and you're suddenly extremely aware of how big a difference wind can make. Chilled to the bone you set aside all the turned over materials to tidy up later, for now you could also use some cleaning up.

 

After a change of clothes you try to rinse out the bad taste in your mouth and see that the majority of your cabin is already all in bed. A select few stare and chuckle from behind a doorframe like they know something you don't and run back to their bunks every time you stick your lakewater-washed hair out the opening. You shake your head and grin. _Kids,_ you think. You wonder if your dad dealt with this a lot around you.  
  


Heading outside you crouch and dislodge a corner cup from its connector and study your surroundings. The makings of the tripped prank are over to the side, and you admire them. The entire setup is pretty intricate, weights, strings patterns, it's got the works.  
  
“Whoever put this together is a seasoned trickster and I should totally give them some pointers.” You think, they'd obviously be really cool and awesome and-

  
Turning and facing the cabin again you notice the butter note plastered across the windows. Big stroking lines form words in all caps. You connect the dots between the butter and writing immediately.

 

 _W_ _ait is that writing on the windows Karkat's?_ Your eyes nearly pop out of your skull and your heart races. Karkat wants to meet you on the forest outskirts, he wants to meet you _**now**_ _.  
  
_ Karkat set up this entire thing, whether he had any help or not doesn't really matter, but he went to a whole lot of trouble to get your attention. Well your attention is extremely peaked. You turn and hightail away to the edge of the forest, still cold, hair still wet, and heart still pounding. The world around you blurs. Feeling giddy and elated you fly.  
 __  
Your name is John Egbert and holy shit you're totally head over heels for that grumpy little troll.  
  


 


	6. johnkat powers activate: about time.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These two finally get their acts together.

Your blood pusher pumps hard in your chest. It almost feels akin to a wild animal attempting to escape your ribcage and rip a hole in your gut. What if John doesn't show? It's entirely understandable, he's been ignoring you this long, one more night wouldn't be difficult. What if he never talks to you again? No, no, that's not possible, not after you finally got your act together and stopped behaving like a gutless ninny and assessed your emotions.

 

The waiting is torture.

 

You left your sweater at the pool earlier before you deserted Gamzee to look for John, but you never had a good chance to pick it up, so when the sun sets and the night kicks in the wind nips at you. As far as you know it's a little weird for Texas weather, the climate is acting like it's the surface of mercury with it's little hot-cold flip flop. Even though you're wearing jeans now, everything seems uncomfortably cold.

 

When John finally shows himself it's like a huge weight is lifted from you, one you didn't even realize you were carrying. He catches your gaze and grins from ear to ear, bolting towards you from seemingly thin air and you only have a second to think before he's clutching the back of your shirt and pulling you into a tight embrace. You wish you could describe it as warm, but lakewater still clings to his gorgeous black hair and drips onto the back of your neck.  _ Wait gorgeous?  _ You wonder to yourself. Oh who the hell cares; John's here, you're here, and he's hugging you like there's a chance you might turn to sand and escape him any moment. Despite the grossness of the aftermath of your prank you smile into his arms and enjoy him just being there. His hair is still gross anyway. Ew.

 

_ You can't believe the prank worked. _

 

You pull away and look up at his worried expression, John looks like he's the one who insulted you and he's looking for forgiveness, when in reality it's the complete opposite. You grab his wrist and swivel on your heel. Dragging John between trees and across a path that's barely noticeable as an overgrown dirt road you lead him farther into the forest. You tell yourself on the way in the hug was a good sign.  _ You can do this don't be a moldy cheeseball about it. _

 

“ No questions, follow me, we have to talk.” You squeeze his wrist and keep going, you punctuate your sentence with: “ ** alone. ** ”  He follows you without question, and you're only a little disappointed he doesn't try to hold your hands for any stupid reason.  _ What's wrong with me? We aren't even dating! _

 

_ Yet.( _ you hope)

 

When you're well hidden into the shadows of the branches you stop by a tree and slide down the peeling bark of the trunk. “Fuck where the hell do I even start?”

 

John's demeanor changes and he holds his hands together awkwardly, standing a little to your left, “How about an apology?”

 

_ Excuse me?! _

 

“ An apology? Why the grubsquiddling fuck would I owe  _ you _ an apology? You're the one who's been completely ignoring me!”

  
  


John throws his hands up in the air. “Well you're the one who told me we weren't friends and that I couldn't talk to you!”

 

You shoot up from your seat and get a wedge of bark jabbed into your upper torso, it may have drawn blood but you're too caught up in his comment to care at the moment. “I never said I didn't want you to talk to me you obtuse breadstick! Not once have I wanted that! God you're as dense as a block of cement!”

 

John brings his hands to his hair and tugs at it's damp form in frustration. His face is heating up and his brows furrow in this really distracting way and you find yourself staring even though you guess you're supposed to be mad at each other.

 

“At least I know when someone is asking me out Mr. I'm-a-hypocrytical-assbutt!” he shouts at you in retort. You're flushing and very glad you dragged him to an isolated part of the woods to have this conversation.

 

Your ears lay flat and you must be blushing four shades of red a troll shouldn't be able to blush because it's like your entire face is at the base of a volcano. You can't think and your next words spit themselves out without your approval. "Well I'm sorry I'm such an thick-skulled imbecile that a fucking stoner could figure it out before I can and realize what an idiot i was for turning you down!" You're shocked and gasp in reaction to your own words; they may not be false, but it still surprises you. John reaches toward you reluctantly but then his pulls his hand back to hold his other arm, dangling at his side. His face is very pink and you think he might magical-girl transform into a tomato if you so much as blink.

 

“Oh- really?” he squeaks out.

 

You suck in air and think carefully about what you already know you want to do next. It may be a bad decision, but if the prank got him here, and he asked you out in the first place- there's a chance right? You step forward cautiously and sling your arms limply around his neck, letting him know what you're about to do and give him a chance to stop you if he doesn't want it. Your gaze hovers over his lips and up to his beautiful blue eyes.

 

You close the distance.

 

John isn't reactive at first, he freezes the moment your lips connect and it puts a twinge of guilt in your heart; then he moves his hands to encircle your waist and places them on the grey fabric over the small of your back. The temperature contrast between his burning face and cool shoulders throws you off a bit. His lips taste like mud and fish and you wish this was perfect but it's not, no first kisses ever are. It only takes you half an instant to decide you're totally fine with it not being perfect, because John is tilting his head to adjust himself into the embrace better and he's kissing you back. He pulls you closer to him and you can feel him smile on your mouth. He makes this quiet happy sigh into you and you can't quite believe you're snogging John Egbert.  _ Holy shit you're kissing John Egbert. _ You find it even more amazing that he's _ letting you. _

 

You don't really want to break the closeness, but you two still have to talk everything out, so you step back and away from John's protective grasp. John looks amazingly kiss-drunk and disheveled and he's grinning at you all soft and elated; you can tell his head's practically on cloud nine.  _ You made him like this, he's absolutely enchanted by you. _

 

“Does that answer your question you impossible fruitbasket?”

 

John lightly touches the outline of his lips and nods down at you with intense awe like you're the most interesting thing in the world right now. “So you'll watch Ghostbusters with me?”

 

You punch him in the shoulder in a weak attempt to act like you didn't just give away your first kiss to prove a point. “Yes John, even though your taste in cinematic works is lacking, I'll watch it with you.” You say and then add matter-of-factly, “As a date” John chuckles.

 

“Come on dude, let's head back before it gets too dark and we have to spend the night here.”

 

You brush the dirt off the seat of your pants and remove the splinter that's been stuck up your shirt this whole time. “Yeah ok camp should be this way.” You pause a bit before actually walking. “We're- dating- now, right?”

 

John makes a sound similar to a hiccup and a tint of rose covers a small part of his cheeks. “Yeah I guess we are Karkat. I am officially your human boyfriend.” His fingers intertwines with yours and his eyes are so bright with glee you can see The Summer Triangle constellation in them. You feel the corners of your lips tugging up. Just like from one of your romcoms.

 

“ Come on, I'll lead the way.” You two walk and talk to each other about movies and he goes on about how action movies are the best and goes all “ _ ew Karkat I can't believe you like chick flicks.” _ You roll your eyes at him, although with how dark it's getting he couldn't see you anyway, you can't even see where-

 

“ _** FUCK” ** _

 

You screech and double-over, kneeling on the ground, pain stabs through your ankle like it did the last time you were in these woods; you let go of John's hand to grab either side of the injury and stay on the ground gritting your sharp teeth together. John is down beside you in an instant.

 

“Crap are you ok?”

 

“ No I'm not ok you twit, I twisted my ankle here earlier looking for  _ you _ , and now I think I've managed re-injured the damn thing like the clumsy fuck I am!”

 

John puts his back towards you and kneels, cupping his hands and looking at your over his shoulder with concern. “Come on I'll carry you.”

 

You almost argue, because you have better eyesight than John at night and there's a risk he may get hurt, but your injury whines and you give in. Climbing onto John's back you grip his shoulders and allow him to hold your legs by the thighs. “Just get us out of here.” you grumble unhappily into his back. He stands up easily and starts heading in some direction and you hope he knows where he's going. You wonder aloud.

 

“How do you know where to go?” You're falling asleep but you force your eyes open to listen to his response.

 

“The wind tells me where to go.” he jokes.

 

You should have expected as much of an answer from him, can't be serious for more than a minute. The only reaction you give him is a small grunt as your eyes flutter shut. (listening to John talk about anything seems to be really relaxing) John shifts your weight and holds you up while you drift into slumber.   
  


~~~   
  


When John wakes you with a tap on the shoulder and glances back at you with nervous laughter.

 

Well you certainly aren't in the forest anymore. You drowsily blink your eyes open and survey your surroundings. “John this isn't the correct fucking campgrounds, all I see is some broken-down shack from some horror movie. Are you getting me killed Egbert? Was that your entire plan?” You thought you heard him mumble about you being cute when you were half-asleep, but the grogginess could’ve just be messing with your head.

 

“I think we're lost.”

 

Wow brilliant deduction Sherlock you come up with that one all by yourself? That's what you want to say, instead it just comes out as a droning “No shit Sherly.” John carries you to the shack which upon closer viewing Is an old cabin marked “beaver den”. You're able to hobble your way over to a moderately sized bed in the corner of the room. Everything is dusty and falling apart, you can't imagine anyone's been here in years. You curl up on yourself since the bed has no blanket and hear John make a call to Jake and leave a message to pick them up with the tool Jeep in the morning when he doesn’t pick up.

When he's done with the call he stares at you like his nerves are suddenly trying to protect him from a wild lion. “Um, Karkat?”   
  


You lift your face from the mattress and squint at him. “What.”

 

“It's just- I mean there's only one bed and I was wondering...” He trails off, too hesitant to finish his thought, but you're not too much of a useless idiot when you're tired, so you got the basic idea.

 

“ Here.” you move over a bit and pat the spacing next to you. He keeps standing over there like a doofus so you say it a bit louder, “ _ Here.” _ you lift an arm you wave him over and point next to you. John walks slowly over and lays himself next you. In your deluded daze you bury your face in John's chest and don't move. Neither does he.

 

You peacefully start to snooze with John right there next to you. You trust him enough already for this. You're a hopeless romantic but it doesn't matter.

 

You could get used to this. 

 


	7. In which Karkat assesses feelings

     That night you don't sleep well. You've grown accustomed to your inane ability to wake up every hour on the hour with your head swimming in bad ideas and destructive thoughts. You try not to make a habit of listening to those early morning insomniac musings, but in this instance, it seems your subconscious has a point.

_Things between you and John went a tad too quickly._

_Did you ever even think about him romantically beforehand?_

_Do you like John or just the idea of John?_

     It's kind of a major point. Do you like John? Really? You think you do. This all started because he asked you out on his own accord, and in all honesty, you didn't think much of him before. Was your little epiphany at the pool because of how you actually feel, or was it merely emotions you thought you should have?

     You're worried now. Maybe you shouldn't be doing this. It's not fair to John if you're not entirely romantically interested in him. You have to think very carefully. You never actually got around to assessing the feelings that popped up because you happened to notice his presence, what better time to delve into the pool of confusion and self-deprecating bullshit that lies in the recesses of your mind then at 4AM when you're at your weakest?

 

     God, where to even start.

 

     You sit up cautiously and survey your surroundings, oh yeah that's right, you're still at the hill cabin. You had almost forgotten about that. Your hand ghosts by something and you look down at your side. Lying there, like a resting moonflower before it blooms, is John. What you brushed your hand against turns out to be a couple loose strands of hair that stick to his cheek with drool. The mass of black that is so messily strewn over his forehead is matted together from sleep and the remnants of your prank. He really needs a shower. You brush some of his bangs behind his ear lightly so as not to disturb his sleep. John looks really peaceful; really pretty too.

     You never got the chance to look at John, to really look at John. Rolling your eyes in his general direction and questioning his idiot face from a distance doesn't exactly count, but up this close, his features are easy on the eyes and you're able to appreciate each nuance that subtle details bring to his resting expression.

 

     You kind of want to touch his face, but, yeah that's kinda creepy isn't it?

     The level of certainty you experience regarding this fact cements at least one good thought. Yes, John is really nice-looking. The thoughts this fact fosters ensures that you most definitely are attracted to John in some sense. It'd be difficult to guess how you'd react toward his overall personality when he isn't even awake to conjure up anything else entirely nonsensical and painfully witless to say; you'll wait and think about that at a later date, for now, the concern in your mind wants you to just remember. You remember him being pushy, impatient, and immature. He's pretty much an asshole too; but even still, he's different. You're able to recall the finer aspects of John's oh-so-unique personality. He may be an asshole, but he's kind, compassionate, caring. He's got his own sense of humor and he's a devious little ball of disgustingly optimistic ass in ghostbusters clothing.

     Your sleep deprived state forgets to remind you how strange it is to caress John’s unconscious face and you brush the rough pad of your thumb over his soft cheek. Your warm hand encompasses the area from temple to chin. Your finger is so close to his eye that you can feel every lash flutter as he dreams and his eyes dart and twitch. It's really adorable. Even in the early hours of the morning while he lies asleep in bed, John leans into your touch.

     So you can't really scrutinize your own personal responses toward him while he's not in the waking world, but you can remember that you think he's six different kinds of wonderful. You also trusted John enough to let him sleep right next to you. Nobody else has had that privilege in a very long while. For a tired mind, that's more than enough to give him a chance.

 

     You fall asleep for the fourth time tonight. This time you don't wake up until morning.

 

\---

 

     John is the one that wakes you next, rubbing sleep from his eyes he smiles faintly at you as he approaches the bed; apparently he got up at some point, “Hey Karkat, Jake's here, we've got to get back to camp now.” After you don't respond with anything more than some annoyed grunts, he kneads his hands through your raven hair. Then he pinches your cheek and pulls, hard.

 

     “Ow! Fuck John where do you get off thinking it's alright to invade people's space with the intent to bring bodily harm to them? Is this a game to you? Do you leap from cabin to cabin, patting people on the heads and then seizing their face?”

 

     He regards you with a bemused expression on his face. “Nice to see you're up sleeping beauty, but like I said, Jake's here.”

 

     You grumble and slide yourself off the side of the bare mattress. You punch John in the bicep before lazily getting up and dragging your feet to the tool Jeep. “Get in asshole we've got a job to do.” you say since now you’re waiting on him.

 

     John slithers into the seat next to you and buckles up. “Sorry Jake.” he starts.

 

     English doesn't even glance back before he starts the engine and begins down the rocky path to the main cabins. “I can't believe how reckless you two are! By gum I'd say the stunt you pulled was downright foolish! You really ought to be more careful.”

     There's a pregnant pause before he sighs and speaks, “Don't ever visit this old place again.” You try to argue that the cabin is perfectly safe as long as you know the way to and from the campgrounds, but he refuses to listen, “Poppycock. You're spouting some real hogswallop there Vantas, When John left me a voice recording yesterday he made is quite clear he was worried about an injury you had sustained on your trek up here.” You glare at Jake through the driver mirror and he raises an eyebrow at you in return. “None of that now, it's for your own good.”

 

     You decide then and there you're definitely dragging John back to the 'Beaver Den' later.

     Nobody tells Karat Vantas what to do; except maybe Kanaya, but she doesn't count.

 

     Memorizing the route it takes to reach Egbert's cabin, you begin to start imagining all the ways your future date with your recently acquired boyfriend could go. At least half of them end in more kisses from John. Yeah, tired mind was right, this is totally fine, what were you ever worried about? English leaves you with the unfortunate counselor who's been tasked with handling being lookout for your group of human grubs in your absence. It's Rose. Of course it is. Doesn't she have her own mass of potato-brains to look after? Why is she here?

 

     “John and you have talked.”

 

     That explains why she's here then. It didn't sound like a question, with Rose you can hear her state it like it's the most obvious fact in the world. Not even 10 hours have passed and already it seems she knows everything. You entertain the idea that Rose just watches your life like it's a show. Vantas TV; bringing you failed romantic exploits since 2009, this week's episode: John Egbert.

 

     “Your point being?” You ask.

 

     “My point being that although John and I are not related as he and Jade are, being his good “buddy” as he calls me, I am just as worried about his emotional well-being as any of his other friends would be. This of course turns me to the curiosities concerning your own thoughts toward our mutual friend. So that being said Karkat, how do you feel about John?”

 

     Despite the thick grey skin that covers your face you can tell the blush that's obviously graced your face is redder than it has any right to be. “I like John, I do. I'm not entirely certain myself to the extent of which this affection goes to-” You stop and your eyebrows furrow in response to your continuation of your answer “-however, I'm not such a sadistic asshole that I would agree to this matepri- , um, boyfriend thing we're doing knowing full well I feel nothing. Because I don't- feel nothing I mean. I don't want to hurt him; he's a great guy.”

 

     Rose's expression eases and she pats your shoulder sympathetically. “That is all I needed to hear, good luck with everyone today, I have work I must attend to.” She leaves with a parting smile that reminds you of Terezi in how worryingly not-innocent and concerning it was. She told. Fuck, how many people knew?

 

\---

 

     You discover throughout the day that basically everyone knew, either people were placing bets on how quickly you'd fuck up this relationship, or they had no life to speak of, because there is no other reason you can think where the entirety of Camp Skaia seems to know your whole life story. It's even been passed down to the kids, you can hear the gossip in their not-at-all-secretive speech. That's right children, even if you're talking behind a tree, if you aren't whispering, you aren't quiet. You can't even get through half the day without someone darting glances at you and giggling their asses off. It follows you to every camp activity you drag your cabin to.

 

     Swimming: giggling from lifeguard Roxy.

     Horseback riding: contemplative sideways glances from animal-trainer Tavros.

     Arts and Crafts: everyone in your goddamn group won't shut the hell up and the same older camper who told people “the love of your life died” is the one spreading around the dirt on you again. Typical that it would be an adolescent teenage female child of either species wouldn't it?

 

     When break finally comes around John bounces into the lounge and you stop being annoyed at the enormous infringement on your personal space. It's still disturbing as hell and you hate it, but what's a bit of gossip compared to being able to spend time with this massive, stupid, attractive nerdlord. “Hey doofus, How's your day been? Mine's been filled with cheeky co-workers who think they can get away with spreading around information on our love life.”

 

     John beams and scratches the back of his skull. “Yeah that may be my fault, I texted Rose about us and told her she could say something if anyone asked, I guess a lot of people asked. I didn't think it'd get this bad Karkat I swear! I'm basically getting the same treatment, as well as a scary threat from Kanaya. She acts sort of like your mom.”

 

     “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

     John shrugs and pulls up a chair across the wooden table from you and sits in it backwards, with the white plastic of the back facing you as he rests his arms on it to speak. “So what are you doing later handsome?” he attempts to act smooth but delivers the question too nervously to be successful.

 

     You raise your chin enough to glare blankly into his eyes and attempt not to be entranced by their mesmerizing color. “Watching a dumbass movie with an even more dumbass person apparently.” You've been looking forward to it more and more since you decided that yes you actually do like John, you won't let him know that however, although you have the sneaking suspicion that he knows better than you do how much you want this date to go well. He seems like he'd be one to know that.

 

     “You wanna head back up to the old cabin after everyone's fallen asleep and watch it on my laptop? Do you want me to bring popcorn?” he asks, as though he knew your plans to defy Jake’s orders.

 

     “Uh, yes? Is that even a question? I fucking love popcorn.”

 

     “Then it's a date.” John beams and leans forward, trying to give you a peck on the space between your eye and temple. The chair doesn't seem to want that to happen. Tipping over as he leans his weight towards you the plastic folding chair slips and releases John from its balance. A loud crash is heard as his chin connects with the table and tips everything over with his sudden movements. The chair crashes on the floor and you're suddenly looking at a completely different scene than the one from not 10 seconds ago. The flimsy, toppled table lays on his back and John has the back of the chair wedged between him and the floor, with one leg tangled at a chair leg, giving away another reason why this whole disaster unfolded before you. Your “dumbass” remark seems to be quite fitting right about now.

 

     Leaning down and out of your own chair without crashing and falling on your face, you perch with you knees up at your chin and cross your arms over the tops. You summon up the courage to give the top of his head a short kiss. You think you got hair in your mouth. “You are the most catastrophically, insufferable, sponge-dead shit-for-brains I've ever had the pleasure of talking to.” You make sure he's able to see the smile on your face. “I'll see you later for our date Egbert.”

 

     Resisting the urge to bounce out the door you idly wonder again what exactly someone like John sees in you. He may be the most incompetent carbon-based life form to walk in your sights, but he's John. You practically have Pogo-shoes with how much spring there is in your step. John's an idiot, but he's really special in his own fucked-up sense of the word.

 

     You have a feeling things are going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always editing was done by the lovely felinefan.


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